This song from this movie hits me. I am not 100% sure it is even possible to do it, but I know I want to change. I recommend listening to the song while you read this, if you can.

I have had my brain re-programmed against my will, as if ransomware took over processing and said, “The price is more than you will give.”

Everyone knows where my life went south. Since then, I have been continuously failing at everything I do. Father, Lover, Worker, just everything. I am just fucking lost and the path is dark ahead.

Still, I watch something like this and the fire is lit again, for just a moment. When they perform on stage, I remember the feeling of singing in front of many people. I have had the privilege of singing in front of large and small audiences – I think my largest is about 3000 at a company event – and I absolutely ate it up.

There is no high like singing for me. The excitement, the fear, the orgasmic delight of entertaining other people is just the highest I think I have ever felt. Granted some of the performances, I actually was high or drunk, but most of them I wasn’t because they were at work.

I have been in quartets, rock bands, sung karaoke, and just in the shower. When I feel low, the urge to sing just hits me.

This song, in particular makes me wonder, though. What old ways do I let go of? What direction should I head in? I am at a crossroads and I seem to have been standing here for ages.

So, other than gaming, it seems music is the only thing that has been with me longer than anything else.

Maybe it’s time to let the New Ways die and get back to the old. I don’t know.

I guess time will tell.

Thanks for listening,

Chris