I have heard this song many times, but after my last few months, it hits so much harder today. I wish I could explain better, but…I don’t know how exactly because words are hard. I will try to drop as many clues as I can, right? Right. Moving on.
If you have not seen Ted Lasso, I recommend it. If you’re having trouble with your mental health, this is a great show to binge. Next best thing to therapy – if you are paying attention. If you ARE in therapy – and it is my sincerest wish that you are – you will get added value from seeing examples of how it should work.
It is full of amazing stories. You will cry and laugh and ponder. You will wonder how you are so interested in the fate of these people who play a game you care nothing for. Except now you DO care. For these people, specifically. You want them to win the games. Not because winning matters, but because them winning does. I love these fictional people more than…
Sorry. Had to make some notes for therapy about that emotional connection. But that’s the point, now innit?
Ahem. Binging the show makes the accent come out. 🙂
The writing is excellent and the actors really sell it. They are playing professional athletes with real issues that they work out as a team in real-time right in front of you. It’s brilliant. There are love stories that don’t make you gag because they aren’t all hetero, growth from characters that don’t change who they are but still learn to set and keep boundaries, and their friends who support them and honor them. Men making their own feelings and growth a priority to each other and learning how to lose that toxic Alpha Male shit.
It’s an essay about mental health and how badly this Capitalist Hellscape has devalued humanity as a whole. I was uplifted high when this episode came on. It didn’t stick too long, so I am writing this all down to force me to take the time to process what has been going on with me. And putting a purpose to my healing journey other than just “Getting Better.” That is not granular enough, so I am quantifying it. I am writing down what I want and not just what I think others want from me.
I’ve been very down and have been this way for months. I have been involuntarily masking (except in therapy and around folks who are truly safe) and it is tough to stop. Masking is exhausting now, as I am aware of doing it even if I can’t stop it. It’s like being controlled by a puppeteer or mind-controlled sometimes. I want to say or do something, but my automated routines just take over, and sometimes the only thing to do is leave. I am very good at disappearing now, and that isn’t what I want. I want more.
Sometimes dramatically, like Roy Kent, but most often silent.
I have gotten so much joy from this show, mixed in with the pain and the sadness of watching these folks live their lives. It reminds me of some of my life and the things I go through, of course, and they did a wonderful job of making it feel ok to feel things, even when they suck. And man, some of these feelings SUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Right. I am repeating myself now, so it is time to release you to your lives, already in progress. I sincerely hope you are getting the help you need, even if it hurts to get to a good place. You may have heard this before, but I will say it again for emphasis because I have found it to be true:
You have to go through it to heal it.
Thanks for listening. God-Speed, or whatever narcotic your deity chooses to self-medicate with.