TL;DR: I can solve complex problems in my head, if I have the data. But when I don’t have the data, I can’t usually act until I have considered all the options. When I have more than one going at a time, I might just shutdown. This shit is gonna kill me. Continue for details. I enjoyed getting this out of my brain, but this one is a ramble…

I have always had the ability to just work things out from what is happening around me in order to make optimal choices to remain safe. I can see in my mind the many possibilities that can happen and choose one to help me. However, I can get into a paralysis state that can make me just act on available data to avoid freezing up. Sometimes, that leads to bad judgement.

I now interrupt this older post for something that happened today that provides an example. I was physically shaking and starting on a high when I wrote this. We will now take a sharp turn in this conversation.

A bizarre series of events, primarily the collection of the Universe’s Choices, led me to realize I needed to sharply look at life. To briefly talk about one of the bizarre series of events: I was in a car accident today. I am ok, but I have other things to talk about. Bear with me, as I explain.

Or, you know, don’t. But that’s all I am saying right now about it.

Here is how I feel right now about it, and it starts with the statement, “I believe in the possibility of Star Fleet.“

Great episode. Watching it might give more context, but I don’t know.

*taps mic* Hello, everyone. I am here to talk about my healing journey and as I stated, I am high. This went deep for me and some of this may be triggering, I don’t know. Proceed at your own risk.

I believe that we, as a people, will get past this greed and avarice phase, and move to bettering ourselves. I am as certain of this, as I am certain I will never know if I am right. I will be long gone before what I want to see happen will actually happen. Lotta dark times first.

I mean, in Star Trek, they proposed that we need to get noticed in the universe to progress further. That we wouldn’t make it on our own because of our very nature when left alone. We need outside help to keep us under control or we become a petty, violent people.

We don’t need subjugation, as we do to each other, but a powerful enough outside force that we can’t just fight back but is willing to guide us, even for who we are. Maybe, with the right nudge, we can get past this. First Contact can’t come fast enough for me.

A new philosophy is needed on a global scale as we don’t currently have one that benefits everyone. This is evidenced weekly, if not daily in the news, wherever you may consume it. There is current war still happening in several places in the world and many have been rapidly losing basic rights under our very eyes. And it isn’t a slow process; we have just been subjugated by doctrine and greed and only recently have the younger generations been able to get through to us older folk.

Greed has completely taken over our governments and most of the populous of our planet, the former by design and the latter out of desperation. Keep them barely surviving, and they can’t fight back. Make them always strive for instant gratifications if they *do* manage to get beyond it. Make them believe anything that will keep everyone at war with everyone else. Out for themselves. Alone. War, death and disease are very profitable enterprises.

What they don’t realize — or maybe they do — is that we are allowing that power with our compliance to the system. This is the world we live in, however you fall on specifics. Racism, sexism, religion, homophobia and transphobia, and more. All human rights that would allow the average to succeed and actually change the world are under fire. Keep them barely surviving, and they can’t fight back.

I say all this because I believe that I align with the ideals of Star Fleet, even being aware that I don’t and can’t belong to it. Still, with the examples I have been shown in the historical doc…Star Trek Shows, following Star Fleet Regulations doesn’t seem so bad as a therapeutic strategy. In the end, the only thing that might happen is that I can actually help people, including myself. What I am doing now, isn’t doing either.

So, I am actively learning to control myself and my healing by roleplaying a Star Fleet Officer, stuck in Earth of the past. I will only be in uniform for official duties, where required.

It has sucked to live in this World with these fucking Values, and I would be lying if I told you I wouldn’t rather just quit. I’m tired, y’all.

Editor: hunting down that picture found me this gem. Give it a read if you like the Kelvin Kirk.

But many people in the world are tired as well, so I can’t use that as an excuse. Now that I am healing from trauma, I must admit that a Star Fleet Officer would not quit. So, what else can I do? Get the fuck up and start the healing process. Get help. Accept and move on.

It was an accident. The result of a single bad decision. I should not have to give up my life for it.

I am terrified every time I get into a vehicle, but I need to or I have already quit. I was taking it slower, but my timeline just got moved up by the Universe’s Choices. In a moment of ADHD analysis paralysis, I was in a car accident today, as I said above.

Comparing it to other events, I now know that I must drive differently to avoid mishaps. I cannot just follow my whims any more while behind the wheel. I am shaken by the event, and I am using that to become a better driver. There are no other results are necessary, but I will review this choice with my therapist, of course, when she is back from vacation next week.

This was at the end of a fairly stressful July 4th weekend — you will notice I don’t call it a holiday. I was ready to come home and just kick back and relax, but noooooooo. I get to hit someone’s car. Fucking lovely. At least I pay for good insurance for just such an occasion. Everyone involved was not injured and both cars function. I get to pay a deductible and y’all got this wonderful prose as a result. 🙂

Annnnnyways.

I mean to say that I need to get better, faster. We need Star Fleet ideals now, more than ever. It is possible, that this is how the future starts. By a small group deciding it was worth choosing to devote their life to better the future for others. “The needs of the Many outweigh the needs of the Few.”

Taken NOT the Rand way, it says those that have should help those that don’t, what ever the have might be. Until all of us are free, none of us are.

If you let the characters be real for a moment in your mind, you see that they are the creations of others like you out in the world making decisions similar to you. I can take the time to improve the world while I have it, and maybe make things a little better along the way. Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, a Vulcan philosophy. The ideal exists, but folks are trapped in systems designed as traps. Keep them barely surviving, and they can’t fight back.

Maybe we can give this idea momentum and create the reality most of us want. Maybe, if we can find a way to cooperate.

On a final note — I am almost done — this is also coming up as my therapist asked me to discover my parts, the individual little personalities that we all have that sometimes take control unexpectedly or without an agreement with the Self. And you have to deal with that personality until you can bring things back to the Center.

This is one of my parts. I am Star Fleet, whether it exists or not. The values of the Federation will be with me until I die.

“Live Long and Prosper, my friends.”

Walking the Path,

Me.

P.S.: If this inspired you, feel free to share.