Closing the Facebook for a time

It’s been a rough few years for me, with a fatal car crash, jail, losing my job, starting a new job, my first poly relationship, my girlfriend’s health issues and largely not living where and how I want to.  On top of that, the Interweb is unbearable with the election, religious/sexist/racist crap and outright murder in the streets.  I am done.

tl;dr I’m broken, but I appear to be fixable. I’m dropping out of sight for awhile and I’ll be back. I don’t know when.

For those that want more, read on.

It’s time for some changes and the first step is to reduce the inputs that are plaguing my life. To this end. I have unfollowed everyone on Facebook. I will still use it for event planning and communicator via messenger, but I won’t be checking it and if I do, I am not likely to see anyone’s posts. If you need me to see something, you can tag me and I’ll see it, but if its political, religious, or capable of inciting intense emotion, I’d appreciate you leaving me off the list for now.  I will remove the tag, and I will not look at it.  Uplifting, non-religious things are fine, as are nerdy things.  Bring those on.

I will be cataloging the experiences somewhat, as I work through the issues, but I’m not responding to personal requests for clarification, as I Just Don’t Have The Strength. I’m seeing a counselor and I’m on medication, so I expect I’ll get through it. I sincerely tried to just deal with it all, but I need a break. I am not on the verge of a breakdown yet, and I’d like to keep it that way.

I love you folks, and I know you want to help. If I need it from you, I’ll reach out to you. If I don’t, please don’t be offended. I’m in my cocoon and I’ll need specific things to get through it. You might not be one of them right now, but you can do your part by giving me space. If this changes, I will let you know.  I sincerely thank you for your patience and understanding.

I will be back. See ya later, ‘bookers.

Serenity Always,

Chris

The Final Frontier

On the 50th anniversary, no less. I am a lifelong Star Trek fan. This makes me sad. I love other sci-fi, as well, but Star Trek and its dream of a better future have always appealed to me.

This is the Kobiashi Maru for Fan Films, and I see no way around it other than for CBS/Paramount to become better people, but that is unlikely. I just hope that there is a Kirk among the fans to reprogram this thing.

https://fococomiccon.com/2016/star-trek-case-study-dismantle-fandom/

#istandwithaxanar

Mayo Clinic Adventures – Jun26

A few days of travelling and we are in a hotel near the Mall of America.  I will have an entry in a few days about that adventure, but for now the minor Trek Adventure.

If was not nearly as interesting as I thought.  A small town, made famous by a cult TV show because its (arguably) most iconic character will be born there in a few hundred years.  I learned that it was specifically requested to be the birthplace in ’83 of Roddenberry, and was added into canon.

We wandered through town, but not much was happening yet. We stopped at the birthplace and took a bunch of pictures AND signed the Geocache that Princess found.  It was pretty cool. The actual birthplace is marked by a monument, thus:

I got some pictures in the Voyage Home Museum, and I will close out the blog with those.  The museum was cool, and I got a hat, T-shirt, coin, and a refrigerator magnet.  We passed on the Vulcan ears.  Cow did manage to sneak into a few pictures.  I have had massive shoulder pain for a week or so, and with all the driving, I overslept the next morning and missed the parade.  🙁

So, on that depressing note, I leave you with a few of the pictures that I did get. On to the Mall of America!

Live Long and Prosper.

FenceTrekFest004
TrekFest003 TrekFest002
TrekFest001 FBoJTK02 FBoJTK DonationBox

Mayo Clinic Adventures – June22

Very soon, I will depart on an adventure to the Mayo Clinic for my girlfriend. She has a neurological disorder that cannot be figured out with local doctors.  At the advice of said doctors, we are travelling to Rochester, MN to the Mayo clinic which specializes in neurological disorders.

UPDATE:  You can link to just these updates here. (https://serenityalways.com/blog/category/spiritual/journeys/)

NOTE: She desires to remain anonymous, so I will just call her by her nickname, Princess, for these writings. I cannot completely explain the reasons for why this is the case, so please respect our wishes.  If you know who she is, please refrain from using her real name if you comment.  I will do my best to explain what is going on as we discover things, but I cannot guarantee any frequency of updates.  

We both have things we want to do on this trip, as it has lined up nicely with some places we want visit.  The Princess wants to see the Mall of America, which is but an hour away from Rochester.  I have been wanting to see the Future Birthplace of James T. Kirk.  It happens that this year is the 50th anniversary of Star Trek, and Trekfest is happening this weekend, when we will be there. I expect that it will be entertaining.

Here is our *tentative* itinerary, as we know it:

Thursday 6/23:  Leave in the evening for Kansas City and sleep.

Friday 6/24: Leave for Riverside, IA, enjoy the Trekkie fun, and sleep.

Saturday 6/25:  Leave for the Mall of America hotel and sleep.

Sunday-Tuesday 6/26 – 6/28: Enjoy the mall, then drive to Rochester.

Wednesday 6/29 – Friday 8/8: Get checked out at the Mayo Clinic.  Start the drive home on Friday afternoon/evening and stop in Des Moines to sleep.

Saturday 8/9: Enjoy Des Moines for a bit, and then head south for home.

Sunday 8/10:  Relax.

So, I will keep you informed, as we go.  In the mean time, wish us luck!

Walking the path,

Chris

I am forgiven.

TL;DR  I think I can finally forgive myself for taking the life of another in my car accident.  At least, now I understand how.

I was at my counseling appointment today and had a breakthrough.  As she was talking me through the process of what my code allowed for punishment for infractions, she started asking some questions that led me to being able to allow forgiveness for my actions.  The questions went like this:

What is the longest punishment you have ever given your daughter?

I thought about this and it was only a week.  She had made a mistake in a responsibility situation and I grounded her for a week.  We discussed it and came to an agreement about it, as she did not agree with the punishment.  while I stand behind the need for the lesson, I can now admit the punishment wasn’t necessary.  We both learned from it, and have moved on, and I realized I was too hard on her.  It was a great learning experience.

If she had done what you had done, how long would you have punished her?

This hit me hard.  I realized there would, of course, been NO punishment.  I would have assured her that she had done nothing wrong and tried to help her come to grips with it, exactly as all of my friends have done. I knew I had a guilt complex over the accident and was seeking penance, but I did not realize just how ridiculous it was to punish myself forever for this mistake.  By all accounts, I had made a momentary bad judgement call that cost someone their life.  I have since studied and learned all that I realistically can from this event and it is time to move on.

That is now what I am doing.  Moving on.  I don’t have to let this one event take over the rest of my life.  I can move on at last.

Here’s hoping that I can actually manage it.  🙂

Walking the path,

mhorampk

 

 

Gaming Oath

I love my hobby and encourage everyone to try it. I well  personally defend everyone’s right to play games safely without harassment.  I share this as a service to those abused and as a warning to abusers.

This behaviour is criminal and should be treated as such. I encourage law enforcement and store owners to take these threats seriously.

I recommend store owners post *and enforce* a statement similar to this one in your establishments.

“We are aware that some of our fans have had negative experiences in the community. Let it be known that Company/Store does not stand for any racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted behaviour. We care about providing a healthy and competitive gaming scene for everyone. If we see or hear any abuse, the offending player will be reprimanded, and, if necessary, expelled for an indefinite duration.”

I will not tolerate abuse in my presence.  My games are a safe haven and I encourage everyone to make this same oath at their games.

You have my permission to share this oath. Spread it far and wide. Let them know they will not win.

So do I swear.

Tabletop Gaming has a White Male Terrorism Problem

The new voyages of the 7th Sea

To my friends,  who are running a fantastic Kickstarter campaign, I wish you the very best in your journey. It seems you have fair winds at your back and good weather all the way.

And most importantly,  after raising 1/2 MILLION DOLLARS,  I have only this to say:

7th Sea Kickstarter
Well done.

Walking the Path,

Chris

The Annual Gift and Guilt Giving Ritual

I have adopted a new Holiday tradition and I wanted to share it with you.

But first, tl;dr.

If you want something for Christmas, go buy it yourself and say it was from me. I will do the same. No guilt!

And now the part you aren’t going to read. I will try to make it entertaining for those that do.

I was chatting with my gal yesterday, relating my frustration with the Holiday season, mostly around the guilt. The topic went all over the place, but the gist of it gave us an idea. Why should we feel guilty about giving gifts and go broke at the end of the year trying to buy for everyone? I mean, I want to make everyone happy, but to be made to feel obligated to do it? That’s ridiculous.

I related that I used to make these elaborate spreadsheets to track everyone I was buying for (and everyone I wasn’t because I didn’t have the money). I knew exactly how much I was spending against how much I had budgeted to spend, and had adjusted amounts of money that I could spend on each person. It took hours to plan out exactly what I was going to spend to avoid going broke, but make sure everyone on the list got something. Sometimes, the list would get culled and I would feel horrible. Something had to be done.

This is supposed to be a happy time of year and I felt miserable! I came upon a few easy words that I said out loud that really made the guilt reduce, as well as the workload. It was an elegant solution, once I figured it out. It went like so:

Fuck this.

Ahhhhhh. For a moment all of the guilt and pain went away, as I had decided to just not buy anyone anything one year. I was struggling with money, my PC was starting to crap out, and I had around 20 people that I was supposed to buy for. Those two little words made me realize that the obligation was imposed by folks that really just wanted my money and they had successfully made me feel like I had no choice. But I did have a choice.

That year, I bought myself a new PC and didn’t get anything for anyone else except my daughter. I told folks I had budget issues and left it at that. The guilt didn’t go away, but it was lessened, and I still enjoyed the holidays. I started telling folks not to get me anything, as I was likely not going to buy presents this year. It mostly worked, but I got a few and realized I was feeling guilty. Still.

This went on for years, where I had a hybrid of the two methods. I bought something for someone when I thought they would like it and when it was fun to buy it. If I couldn’t think of anything, I just didn’t buy anything for someone. And I always bought myself something. Always.

When I was discussing this yesterday, I learned that she and a friend would each buy themselves a gift and then reciprocally say that it was bought from the friend. They both got what they wanted and everyone was happy. Guilt absolved!

This made me realize the perfect Gift Giving solution. And it was summarized above. If you want a gift from me this year, go get something and then say it was from me. If you would like me to do the same, I will. It might be a nice dinner, or even a Coke from a vending machine. Spend what you want and don’t worry about it. And then thank me for it, either privately or publicly and I will do the same. No guilt! Everyone is happy!

I hope this writing finds you well and that you really enjoy the gift I got for you. I want you to know that I thought long and hard on it and I that I appreciate the gift you gave me in return (as soon as I go get it).

Happy Holidays!

Surgery – October 2015

For those that don’t know, I will be having a minor surgery Friday to fix an umbilical hernia I have had for many years.  Shortly thereafter, once I recover a bit, I will be getting a vasectomy.  Both of these are long overdue.

As it is getting close to the end of my Walmart insurance AND since I have met my deductible, I am getting these things taken care of so it won’t be as expensive later or if I am forced to use COBRA for awhile.  I will be down for the count most of Friday, but I will see if I can get some one to post on my wall the results of Friday’s surgery so folks won’t have to worry.

Thank you all for everything you have done, in case something happens. I intend for everything I own to go to my daughter, if anything *does* happen.  I don’t expect it to, but one never knows how long they have.

Once again, I am reminded of a few things that I will share.  Make sure you watch all three for the full effect. Please don’t think me morbid; I am just weird.  🙂

Walking the Path,

Chris

And finally, my favorite:

Memory Catalogue: Who wants to live forever?

I never felt that I would have a reason to cry and have this song apply to me.  Alas, as so many things I never dreamed would come to pass, it has.

To spend time with perfection and have to let her go is maddening.  It frequently makes me sad, and yet there is that part of me that relishes the moments we have and still will have together before I am away.

She is the most amazing creature, eyeballs to entrails, as Spike would say, and I will miss her.  Still, as the song says…

Who wants to live forever?

 

Just waiting for the world to change…