TL;DR  I think I can finally forgive myself for taking the life of another in my car accident.  At least, now I understand how.

I was at my counseling appointment today and had a breakthrough.  As she was talking me through the process of what my code allowed for punishment for infractions, she started asking some questions that led me to being able to allow forgiveness for my actions.  The questions went like this:

What is the longest punishment you have ever given your daughter?

I thought about this and it was only a week.  She had made a mistake in a responsibility situation and I grounded her for a week.  We discussed it and came to an agreement about it, as she did not agree with the punishment.  while I stand behind the need for the lesson, I can now admit the punishment wasn’t necessary.  We both learned from it, and have moved on, and I realized I was too hard on her.  It was a great learning experience.

If she had done what you had done, how long would you have punished her?

This hit me hard.  I realized there would, of course, been NO punishment.  I would have assured her that she had done nothing wrong and tried to help her come to grips with it, exactly as all of my friends have done. I knew I had a guilt complex over the accident and was seeking penance, but I did not realize just how ridiculous it was to punish myself forever for this mistake.  By all accounts, I had made a momentary bad judgement call that cost someone their life.  I have since studied and learned all that I realistically can from this event and it is time to move on.

That is now what I am doing.  Moving on.  I don’t have to let this one event take over the rest of my life.  I can move on at last.

Here’s hoping that I can actually manage it.  🙂

Walking the path,