We all knew this was coming. I waited long enough, so folks knew I put up a fight. I tried to live here, and it’s nearly killed me. I’m am filled with regret as I depart Arkansas for Arizona. Not because I’m leaving – that was inevitable – but because I’m leaving with so little and so much later than I expected.

I’ve lost everything I’ve worked for multiple times in the last 23 years, and I’m now fleeing the state, unemployed and broken. My heart, my mind, my body; all broken.

I wasn’t broken enough legally or socially to be allowed to stop and recover, though, and to get some rest without breaking completely. Nope, I had to straight up lose my job and not look for another to clear my head and start getting my mind right again.

Healthcare in this country is the worst. Vote!

So, I am off to Arizona to try my luck at living in the  SunSunNot IN the Sun, of course, just one of the hottest places I could find on the planet for now.  again.

I’m not sure what the next chapter is, but I’m burned out on IT. I’m sure I’ll use computers and such, maybe even script a bit for  optimum lazinessoptimum lazinessThis is just writing programs to automate or monitor repetitive tasks so you can do something else instead, like sleep. , but I don’t want IT to be my focus anymore.

I really want to fix myself enough to be me, again. The guy who wanted to sing, practice martial arts, and laugh and drink in a carefree way.

A me that can help people again.

A me that can read and write what’s on my mind.

An expressive me, that shows people exactly what I’m thinking.

To finally, be done with the grifter I was forced to be and back to the ex-paladin monk bard that I should be. I mean, I wanna play that character and I actually can, if I want.

Is that impossible as an adult? I don’t think so. And I’m working towards it. I might get there before I am recycled, and I will undoubtedly tell you about it, if I do. Call this, my Kobayashi Maru, and I plan to  KirkKirkKirk reprogrammed the test when he took it, after failing it several times. His motto was 'I don't believe in no-win scenarios'  it up as much as I can, but in a  Jadzia Dax Jadzia DaxThis comment is too much to unpack. If you get it, you get it. Sorry.  style. As much as my age and disability will allow, of course.

If that sounds appealing, becoming our ideal selves, I cannot see what is stopping us except us not willing to try anymore because the  RWMRWMRich White Men  system has emotionally  crushed uscrushed usbad healthcare, shitty wages, no real rights at work, disabilities make you unable to get by without someone supporting you, etc. .

So, if you are hearing about my move at this writing, you’ve missed your chance to say goodbye in person. I apologize for this, but it cannot be helped. I’m either gone or so far into the process that I  can’t stop nowcan't stop nowThe pandemic has made me take additional precautions, including periods of self-quarantining to ensure the new cootie pool isn't adversely affected. . You won’t get through to me while I’m on the task of reducing my life down to a truckload for transport across the country. During a pandemic. While unemployed.

I didn’t say I was smart.

But, for the first time in my life, I am thinking long term. In order to get my self well again, I have to go. If I stay, I will die here, in all of its forms. This is a moral imperative.

First and formost, if I spend the next month with goodbye parties and meeting for lunch with anyone, I risk my life and those I will be living with in Arizona, my new  Cootie PoolCootie Poolthe folks you are quarantining with and are comfortable with no masks or precautions. First said by The Legend, Jessie Foster, and thus became official. .

Second, I barely have time to get this shit done, as it is. If I stop to say goodbye, then I won’t make it out of here. I will miss y’all alot and if you want to wait for a response, I will reconnect when I am settled.

Lastly, VOTE. I delayed as long as I could to make sure I was able to vote in this election. It matters. PLEASE DO IT.

Anyway, I won’t be visible in NWA anymore but I’ll still be out there. You can reach out to me through normal channels or at   my websitemy websitehttps://chriscolbath.com, which also has my resume in case someone has a sweet gig designed just for me.

No? Oh well. You get nothing without trying too. Always worth it, no matter what Yoda says.

If you have another means to contact me, you’re free to try. I am focused and cannot guarantee a timely response, but I’ll get back to you as quick as spoons and duties will allow.

Thanks for all you’ve done for me over the years. Everyone I’ve known here in NWA has given me something that made me better, even if our experience was small or even negative. I remember having a lot of fun here, amidst the backdrop of trauma and work, and I will never forget the Land where I was once known as Rockstar.

Ok. I am on my way, Arizona, but don’t get too excited yet. I am not compromising my cootie pool(s) for anyone else, so it may be awhile before we see each other in person. I will not bend on this rule. Understand that I take my friend’s health seriously, even if they don’t. That’s on them, but I won’t see anyone that whines about it or doesn’t wear a mask.

I finished a neat, well written rant about this (that I just deleted), so I will spare you. Please understand that it was concise, direct and absolutely offensive to some. I reserve the right to rant later, as needed. Please wear a mask.

Well, I suppose that’s enough. Don’t expect most people have even read this far, so now I am just fuckin’ around. With that in mind, I guess I will leave you with this final thought… No, I’ll let Bilbo tell you:

…and finally, he said, I wish to make an ANNOUNCEMENT. He spoke this last word so loudly and suddenly that everyone sat up who still could. I regret to announce that — though, as I said, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to spend among you — this is the END. I am going. I am leaving NOW. GOOD-BYE!

-Bilbo Baggins, under the Party Tree