I told you why I got each tattoo, but not why it is was so important that I hardcoded some of my code onto my arms, so I will see it every day for the rest of my life. This is some Oath Level shit to myself. I am scared shitless, but I am now committed.

You see, I realized shortly before I got the tattoos, but could not verbalize it yet. Now, after having them for a day, I think I can do that.

I realized that the greatest thing I could ever learn, was just to love. And be loved in return.

EDITOR: I am a bit high right now and that song just snuck in. Its not…wrong, but a little dramatic. Sorry for the distraction.

My actual realization was that if I wanted to remain mentally healthy, it would require maintenance. And so, it means that the rest of my life is therapy now. Which means every interaction, every moment I get to spend with someone is important. And if I don’t find the strength to actually love someone without being afraid of it, I will be alone. I must be, for my sake and theirs.

“Nothing is Trivial”, said the Crow.

Sorry, I have a flair for that. Anywaaaaaaay…

I now will start to enjoy my life, as I have deprived myself of acceptance for the moments when I was happy for the last few decades. I never felt I deserved it, not ever. I have now hated myself so long, that I had forgotten how to let myself be happy. The accident made it worse, but it wasn’t the real problem.

I literally had to write shit on my skin to start healing, so that I would feel the pain long enough to just fucking let it go. The only way I was getting out of this was with pain, the same way I got in. Blood calls out for Blood, as Londo once lectured.

But, that is too dark and cryptic for even me to really want to understand right now, so I will spare you.

The important thing is:

Everything is Therapy.

\\//_ Live Long And Prosper, my friends. _\\//

Me.