I have adopted a new Holiday tradition and I wanted to share it with you.
But first, tl;dr.
If you want something for Christmas, go buy it yourself and say it was from me. I will do the same. No guilt!
And now the part you aren’t going to read. I will try to make it entertaining for those that do.
I was chatting with my gal yesterday, relating my frustration with the Holiday season, mostly around the guilt. The topic went all over the place, but the gist of it gave us an idea. Why should we feel guilty about giving gifts and go broke at the end of the year trying to buy for everyone? I mean, I want to make everyone happy, but to be made to feel obligated to do it? That’s ridiculous.
I related that I used to make these elaborate spreadsheets to track everyone I was buying for (and everyone I wasn’t because I didn’t have the money). I knew exactly how much I was spending against how much I had budgeted to spend, and had adjusted amounts of money that I could spend on each person. It took hours to plan out exactly what I was going to spend to avoid going broke, but make sure everyone on the list got something. Sometimes, the list would get culled and I would feel horrible. Something had to be done.
This is supposed to be a happy time of year and I felt miserable! I came upon a few easy words that I said out loud that really made the guilt reduce, as well as the workload. It was an elegant solution, once I figured it out. It went like so:
Fuck this.
Ahhhhhh. For a moment all of the guilt and pain went away, as I had decided to just not buy anyone anything one year. I was struggling with money, my PC was starting to crap out, and I had around 20 people that I was supposed to buy for. Those two little words made me realize that the obligation was imposed by folks that really just wanted my money and they had successfully made me feel like I had no choice. But I did have a choice.
That year, I bought myself a new PC and didn’t get anything for anyone else except my daughter. I told folks I had budget issues and left it at that. The guilt didn’t go away, but it was lessened, and I still enjoyed the holidays. I started telling folks not to get me anything, as I was likely not going to buy presents this year. It mostly worked, but I got a few and realized I was feeling guilty. Still.
This went on for years, where I had a hybrid of the two methods. I bought something for someone when I thought they would like it and when it was fun to buy it. If I couldn’t think of anything, I just didn’t buy anything for someone. And I always bought myself something. Always.
When I was discussing this yesterday, I learned that she and a friend would each buy themselves a gift and then reciprocally say that it was bought from the friend. They both got what they wanted and everyone was happy. Guilt absolved!
This made me realize the perfect Gift Giving solution. And it was summarized above. If you want a gift from me this year, go get something and then say it was from me. If you would like me to do the same, I will. It might be a nice dinner, or even a Coke from a vending machine. Spend what you want and don’t worry about it. And then thank me for it, either privately or publicly and I will do the same. No guilt! Everyone is happy!
I hope this writing finds you well and that you really enjoy the gift I got for you. I want you to know that I thought long and hard on it and I that I appreciate the gift you gave me in return (as soon as I go get it).
Happy Holidays!
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