Memory Catalogue: I am beautiful with you

This song speaks to me. I have felt myself recently in a few magical moments with someone I am now close to. I have mostly hid the relationship from everyone, largely to protect her, but it is hard not to talk about it.

She has helped me to see who I am; a protector, a lover, a monster. These are good things, even if it might not seem like it. I am all of these things and more, but it was not something I could see. Until I met her.

A casual brush on the thigh in an excited moment at a party and I was hooked. The funniest part of it is, I didn’t really notice her before that. I was singing along with the song she was singing, and she was surprised that I knew it. She came over to me and the look she gave me was penetrating. Aaaand Scene.

Seven months later, we are living together and doing things together and exploring who we are. And, also, sharing our pain together. It is rather amazing what is happening to me, but I can’t really share it with everyone at this time.

I can say this; I am beautiful with her.

Memory Catalogue: Never Surrender

Just a little more time is all we’re asking for.

I heard this phrase and it reminded me of this song.  It then reminded me of a time long ago, when I used to not care about things like bills, where I wanted to live, parenting, and such like that.

Right now, I have less to worry about than I used to, but most of the things that are really making me happy I can’t talk about.  Such is the society we live in.

So, I will say that I will always remember the 80s with a passion and love that just cannot be replaced.  The world gets better and worse, and things change.  But one thing doesn’t change.

No one can take away your right to fight and to never surrender.

Chau.

Google Play: Never Surrender – Corey Hart

 

Glitchcon 2015 Gaming Update – July

Schedule

Updates to the gaming schedule! Highlights are below:

The LARP Room has added Vampire the Masquerade, as a late night option on Saturday!

There are several play to win games, such as Castle Panic, and Machi Koro. Fireside games has donated several prizes, including Bears, Castle Panic, Zombie Panic, and Munchkin Panic. Come by the game room to check out what you can get!

We have Dennis McDonald running a game he wrote called “Adventure Maximum” and several D&D 5th edition games, including Tomb of Horrors. If you are familiar with this one, I am sure you are happy he is providing pre-gens! There are several other RPGs being run, including Achtung!, All Flesh Must Be Eaten, and a whole lot of Pathfinder!

Howling Moon will be back to run werewolf, Katie Fitch will have Krosmaster Arena, and Tortured Earth will running their RPG throughout the weekend! So much gaming!

We also have the Bentonville Public Library at our Game Library with games to check out all weekend long. And last, but not least, we can’t forget that Gear Gaming Store will be in the room for your gaming needs all weekend long!

And, of course, we will have Artemis!!!

Artemis

The great folks at Free Geek Arkansas, and several fine friends (who I will list below) have come together to create a fantastic bridge setup for the weekend. We will have two (2) functioning bridges on a closed network running version 2.20. This version has space sharks, bugs, whales and dragons to confound the players! Some information about these new changes are on
Reddit.

Big thank you to the Bridge Builders:

Martin Jackson

Chris Williams

Casey T.

Scott Kammerzell

Zac Slade (Free Geek)

Brian Dallman

Nathan Jared

Josephine Jackson

Danielle Jackson

And of course, Evil Xander.

 

That’s all for now! Come to GlitchCon and PLAY MORE GAMES!

Glitchcon Updates – June 2015

Updates to the Game Room!

Gaming Schedule

Gaming Request Form (for adding more games to the schedule!)

The schedule is filling up. The LARP Room is completely full from 6pm Friday until 4pm Sunday! I have additional LARP requests I am trying to find space for, but I don’t think I can fit them! John Wick and Rob Justice will be teaming up to bring Wasteland Bazaar for our evening fun, while the day will be filled with LARPcraft Myth & Legends play. Search “LARP Room” on the schedule for more details on LARPing goodness!

The Tabletop Room will be in the main convention center and will be sponsored by Gear Gaming in Fayetteville. They are bring the Pathfinder Society with them hosting D20 fun all weekend long. It starts early on Friday and runs all the way through Sunday, so come down early to get started! Search “PFS” or “Pathfinder” to find them on the schedule.

The Star League will be there hosting various miniature wargames and board games, including Battletech, Star Fleet, and Twilight Imperium! Search “Star League” on the schedule for details.

Several vendors are adding prize support this year, so get ready for some SWAG! Make sure to sign into the schedule and confirm your spot in a game you are interested in and create your own Gaming Schedule for the weekend. Share the schedule with your friends!

More updates later!

Gaming Schedule

Gaming Request Form (for adding more games to the schedule!)

Loudwire Music Festival

Well, this sucks.  I need your help.

I am in a position where I may have to sell up to four (4) VIP tickets, VIP Camping, and a few Skybox seats to Weezer and Halestorm to the Loudwire Music Festival in Grand Junction, Co. The event is on June 26-28th.  You would have to get to the event and provide your own camping gear, but it is a pretty sweet concert.

Details on the concert are here:

There is a majorly cool line-up of bands, and I *really* wish I could go, but it is becoming increasingly clear that I probably will not.  I’d like to sell these tickets, and take my daughter to Rush, instead.

If you want these tickets, in whole or in part, please email me or IM me on Facebook.  I feel quite moved to make you a deal you cannot refuse.  I don’t want to lose money on these, and I will go if I can’t sell them and try to sell them at the concert, but I would rather just sell them and be done with it.  Multiple folks have dropped out.  Health issue, work issues, etc.  It’s amazing what can get in the way of a concert.

The tickets are being shipped to me as we speak, so I woudl have to mail them out to you.  I would do that with one or two day shipping, as needed.

I will be taking a loss, but you seem like nice and virtuous folks.  Deal.

Details are below Continue reading Loudwire Music Festival

She’s not you

Style: Rock/Country

She’s not what I wanted,
Just the one that still wants me
The moments spent together
seem to be missing something

But, she takes me up
And let’s me fall awhile
And from the ground she’s there
Looking up to smile

Chorus
But, I can’t take the middle ground
I want shallow, I want deep
And this is what works for now
Because she’s everything I need [pause]
But she’s not you

I have a silly tendency
I fall in love too fast
The feeling is so strong
as if a spell is cast

And I run like a child
with a kite upon a string
I always find myself standing
with it wound around a tree.

[Chorus]

[solo]

I must abandon you forever, a faithless unbeliever
and the days will fuse together, cause I know I’ll never

[Chorus, modified]
Never take the middle ground
Don’t want shallow, only deep
And this is what works for now
Because she’s everything I need [pause, slower] But she’s not you

She’s not you… [fade with guitar]

(c) 2015 Chris Colbath, All rights reserved.

If you want to record this, and want my permission, contact me below.  I would prefer to sing it, but we can work out another arrangement.

Spill it

Style: Hard Rock

can’t let this get me
can’t let it take me away (into oblivion)

(open) hearts can kill you
love can knock you over (till you cannot stand)

Chorus:
kill it before it kills you (make it all go away)
spill blood before it spills you (don’t even try to stay)
with the pain

every day the pain
every way the gain (isn’t there at all)

any way you say it
it ain’t the way you see it (its turned around)

{chorus }
{solo (short) on verse chords }

(cause it ain’t what you think) you ain’t all that to her
(cause it ain’t what you think) you weren’t but a phase to her
(cause it ain’t what you think) you weren’t more than a good time (for one night)
(cause it ain’t what you think) you aren’t even thought of anymore…

{chorus} x2 }

with the pain
ain’t no gain in pain…

{3 hard strums and stop}

(c) 2015 Chris Colbath, All rights reserved.

If you want to record this, and want my permission, contact me below. I would prefer to sing it, but we can work out another arrangement.

My Favorite Love Scenes

I started watching The Last Samurai recently (again), and it occurred to me that the most beautiful love scene was in this movie.  There is no sex, so it is safe for all viewers.


And then, my second favorite, from the Movie “Phenomenon”.

Also, this last one, which isn’t really safe for all viewers, due to the audio.  Amazing scene from, “Her.”

 

Sometimes, this is me

I was going through drafts I was afraid to send.  This is one of them, it is referencing the events shortly after my hospital stay.  I have started dealing with this now, but I want everyone to know what I am going through.  If it helps even one other person to get help, then it is worth the pain of sharing it publicly.  You have my permission to share.

——————————————————————

Watch this, then read this, if you will.

http://www.wimp.com/powerwords/

I watched this video and knew it was clearly staged to make me emotional.  My cynical mind shut off parts of me that didn’t want to deal with what I knew was coming.  My mouse hovered over the tab, ready to close it. And yet, it worked.  And not because of the obvious reasons; that we should pity the man.  I don’t.  I want to get to know him and help him, surely, but I don’t pity him.

It worked because there are days that I can’t see it, either.  I sometimes don’t see it because I am blind in another way.  I am suffering from guilt and depression deep enough that I sometimes feel blind.  My emotions shut off and suddenly burst forth like a dam breaking, flooding the town below me.  And that I probably need medication to deal with it.

A long time ago, someone suggested I could benefit from it, and I flatly refused.  They responded in a way that reverberated inside me and has come to a head recently due to a few unforeseen circumstances.  Here is how it went.

“You could likely benefit from a low dose of medication to level your moods.”

“I don’t want to medicate myself; It would stifle who I am.”

“Really?  You already self-medicate with alcohol.  What’s the difference?”

At the time, I dismissed it, but like a .223 round, it tumbled around, doing the maximum damage until I found myself here.  I am forced to be sober, I have a form of PTSD from my car accident, and I find myself forced to face everything I have been pushing back to the back.  I feel like the Alliance has put me through the River treatment, because now I seem to feel everything.  I can’t not.

And so, I will likely seek help.  I am not sure what form that help would take, but the best emotional week I have had in the last 3 years happened when the doctor prescribed me a week’s worth of anti-anxiety medication after my hospital stay.

I was level.  I accomplished more, although I wasn’t allowed to do much exercise. I felt…ok, for the first time in years, like I could actually handle what I was dealing with.  And then I ran out.

A few days later, I was back to sobbing uncontrollably while watching videos like this.  Why?

Because I need help.

Thank you for all of my friends that have dealt with this for the years that you have, silently – or not so silently – trying to get me to get help.  I am not sure how strong I actually am, but at least I can see it now.

 

The Drop

I wrote this snippet years ago based on a game I had played with some friends.  Not sure if I want to write more…


I couldn’t hear anything but the chopper on the way to the drop.  The 5-minute light had just come on, letting us know it was time for final checks on our equipment.  When the light went red, we were over the drop site and had 10 seconds to haul ass out of here or we would land off target.

I had checked my equipment and packed my chute on the ground and, since I’d had it with me since, I saw no cause to check it again.

“No sense second guessing myself,” I said aloud.

“What?” said Tony from across the bay.  We had just gone into silent mode and the endless drone had disappeared.  I guess I had tuned out the noise and didn’t notice it had stopped.

“Nuthin, just thinkin’ out loud,” I replied.

He shook his head and combed his hair one more time before carefully stuffing it in his hood and sliding on his goggles.  He had a straight short Air Force style cut, which he tended endlessly.

“One day I might hold you down and shave that head. ”  He looked at me for a moment.  Then, he stood up.

This 6’4″, broad shouldered titan had to duck to keep from hitting his head.  He paused for a moment and glared down at me.  The gesture clearly said go ahead, little man; try.  We stared at each other for a moment and I started laughing.

“Guess I’ll have to get you drunk, first,” I managed to get out between laughs.

He grunted and walked over to his gear to prep himself for the jump.

I turned my attention to Roxie, who was still sleeping near the back.  I didn’t know her story.  Tony and I had been on several missions before with the Squadron, but she was a new recruit.  I always hated working with the “new kid on the block” ’cause you never knew what would happen.  Like what happened next.

I slapped her on the back and shouted out, “Ready to plummet 10,000 feet, sweetie?”

I was suddenly and violently introduced to the floor of the chopper as she grabbed my hand and tossed me to it.  I had read her dossier and it said “above average” in hand to hand, but this was far above that.  Before I could recover, she was on me with a knife at my throat.  The steel was cold and rather chilling.  Still, I was a friend to knives and was above average myself, so I lay there and waited.  If she were going to kill me, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity to get used to the feeling.

“Don’t you ever touch me again, or next time I will use this.”  Her voice was a whisper for only me to hear.

I snapped back, “I think you should lay off the coffee, lady!  And get the hell of your Captain, unless yer plannin’ pain or pleasure.”

As the anger welled up in her, she loosened her grip a touch.  I chose that moment to act.  I grabbed the hand with the knife with one hand and her hair with the other.  I then rolled very quickly over taking her to the deck with me on top of her.  As I rolled, I flipped the blade onto vibro and pressed it to her cheek, letting the motion jar her teeth.  The hum must have resounded in her head, although I could barely hear it even this close.

I looked in her eyes for a moment and saw no fear.  She was ready for whatever was going to happen next.  It was odd, but I was so familiar with that expression, it felt almost like looking in a mirror.

“You draw on me again and I’ll make ya use it, honey, got it?”

She nodded – real slow – her eyes still riveted on mine.  I might get to likin’ this lady, I thought to myself.  If I don’t have to kill her first.

I tossed the knife away, sticking it an inch or so into the metal bench we had been sitting on.  The hum slowly stopped and I quickly got up, in case she decided it wasn’t over.  I guess it was ’cause she just smiled and walked over to her pack and strapped it on.  I watched her for a moment and then did the same.

As I finished up the straps on my pack, I looked about the bay.  It was about time to jump.


Just waiting for the world to change…