ADHD, Journeys, Mad Ramblings, Spiritual Things

ADHD #1: Who am I?

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TL;DR: I don’t yet know, but I feel like I am finally on the path, actually walking it. I will miss some of you, though, as I walk this path wherever it leads, if you can’t go with me. I truly pains me. Also, there is a picture of my Cow tattoo at the end of this blog. Continue reading for the details.

It all began what seems like an age ago when she said, “How do you manage your ADHD” as if it was just a fact that you can see when you look at me. I don’t remember my response, but as she explained what she meant when she said it — which really was more a suggestion that I wasn’t managing it very well — she assumed that I knew.

Spoiler Alert
I didn’t.

Fast forward to a month ago when I was handed a paper proclaiming I am ADHD (Combined type) and sat with the Doctor for nearly an hour discussing it. This was after waiting for me to get there late by a half hour to a 4 pm appointment and he had gotten busy with something else. We had just sat down about 4:45 or so, in a side conference room, as the other rooms where full.

I began (and still am) processing that moment when I went from “maybe” to “certain.” All of the questions started coming up.

Who am I now? Am I different? Am I going to lose everything as I become who I am? I have already lost some, and it was my fault. I didn’t understand why I had to hide and I hurt someone when I cocooned. As I was told recently, “Hurt people hurt people.”

And I have been hurt. I am not asking for sympathy, as I deserve everything that happens to me for my actions in all of them, whether I wanted them to happen or not. I have been struggling with burnout for at least 5 years and it has crashed both of my most recent relationships. I have had several breakdowns during my last two jobs and have been unemployed since. I lost someone dear to me during that time, as she just couldn’t handle a broken me and I completely get it. I had another breakdown recently trying to process who I am and my masks just…failed. It was catastrophic and I will now remain single, at least until I can figure out who the hell I am. I am not hurting anyone else if I can help it.

As I said, “Hurt people hurt people.” And I have done my share. But this story is not about my failed relationships, so I will save the rest for my therapist. Sorry for the distraction.

So, I was in the room with the doctor. Was I just a curiosity to him? Was I something for a medical journal somewhere?

Does God exist? Who invented liquid soap and why?

Side note: When he told me my test results, he also mentioned my IQ. I have only told a few close friends and family that number, as I am still processing what it means that I qualify for Mensa. I mean, I have been convinced that I am stupid my entire life. Quite frankly, I am still convinced, although I am now evaluating. I really think it just means I am good at taking tests.

Another take for the gamers: I somehow managed to put a bunch of points in IQ and very little in useful skills, so I get to run off defaults for almost everything. Throw in some charisma, a decent voice and a low self esteem and you have a great starting point for a character that I didn’t intend to design. Go figure.

He mentioned that he has only seen this kind of test result among a couple of the 10,000+ tests he had administered and he had been looking forward to meeting me. He bluntly said, “You are a genius. Had you made it to graduate school, you would have really started to get challenged. I wanted to know more about you.”

In my head, when he said this, I heard Mal say, “Top 3%, don’t know how smart you are,” as my brain parses all statements made by all people as song lyrics or movie quotes, like the liquid soap comment earlier. Or both, when they intersect.

I forced myself through the dissociation of what I was hearing and he just…sat there patiently smiling and waited for me to wrap my head around the information. Like someone who had seen this before and knew it would take a moment for me to be ready to talk about any of it. So, I took my time and reviewed what I had heard, talking only a little.

After a few moments, filled with silence and a few awkward coping jokes, we started diving into what my life had been like and things I could do going forward, including medication, meditation and other mental activities and exercise. He gave me a list of right/left brain activities and a list of games designed to exercise them. The games on the sheet I had played before, and I also told him about some of the games that I like. Like Twilight Imperium, for example, which is a monster of a game. He was rather stunned that games like that existed. I recently got into a game called War of Whispers and it scratched the same itch, but with MUCH less crunch. A full game is less than an hour and its glorious.

Aaaaaaanyway, he ended with the statement, “This is all good news. Now, you know.” And he was right and wrong all at once. Now, I know. Also, this changes everything.

Since that meeting, I have started some of the things in the list, mostly in the mental arena, and I am researching (and talking with doctors and my therapist) about the rest. I had a most relaxing moment yesterday with some guided meditation and I actually stopped generating thoughts for a moment, as I was fully engaged in the moment. It was pure serenity and I will likely be trying it again today. If I can find enough novelty in the guided meditation to actually learn the skill, I may be able to learn to walk about meditative. I have always wanted to learn those skills.

My mind went blank and my entire train of thought derailed. I guess I am done. I will continue when my brain finds the interest again.

I will leave you with the tattoo I recently got of my cow, His Lordship Cowfred, Marquis de Last Kiss, and King of the Pasture.

Sometimes it is worth reading to the bottom. 🙂

Walking the Path,

Me.

Life Events, Memory Catalogue, Spiritual Things

Memory Catalogue: Kashmir

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This is one I’ve agonized over posting. A very few of you know why and a few less know who. No one else gets to know who, for the record.

CW: references to sex

You see, I got my first blowjob to this song. And, for those who wonder, yes, it was amazing. So, every time I here the song, I smile. Here it is, if you’re not familiar.

Kashmir, by Led Zeppelin

What I agonized about is that I might alienate some folks by posting it because they won’t read past that last paragraph. And if that’s you, you’re missing the story, and I respect your choice to stop. No hard feelings.

The rest of you, listen and read on.

We began with me coming over to her house while her parents were out of town. We chatted for a long time, cuddled on the couch and watched Dumbo. I was the happiest 5 year old in that moment.

I was certain there would be no sex, because we had talked earlier about her having a boyfriend and…other complications. Their relationship wouldn’t have explicitly allowed us to do anything, so I shut it down in my mind. I wanted her company, so other than a momentary disappointment, I was very happy with my evening.

We chatted and cuddled after the movie for awhile until it was time for me to go. As I was saying goodnight, she took my hand and asked me to follow her. I complied and went to her father’s den. In there was a very high quality collection of vinyl and books. Among those albums was Physical Graffiti, which has the song Kashmir. She asked me to lie down on the floor and started that album, starting with Kashmir.

The next seven minutes was spent with a minute of negotiating, as I wanted to be sure she wanted to, considering. She did and then did.

It was the unexpected capstone of what I consider my favorite date. I’ve had some amazing dates and spent time with some amazing people and I don’t diminish any of those experiences by calling this my favorite. It wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had; it was my favorite experience I’ve ever had with a woman.

And that is why I love this song. Thank you for listening and I hope y’all stick around.

Walking the Path,

Me.

Journeys, MaryJane Epiphanies, Spiritual Things

Many people will remember me…

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as Rockstar. The Party Animal. The Commodore of the Fleet. The Asshole DBA. And other ways I couldn’t even connect the dots to Me, but there it is.

Some will remember me as the Funny Guy they drank with, hung out or gamed with, maybe only at cons or through Work or Work Travel. Or some combination of those.

A handful of folks will remember Chris.

The vast majority of the universe won’t remember me at all.

And I am becoming OK with all of this.

Walking the Path,

Me.

Journeys, Life Events, MaryJane Epiphanies, Spiritual Things

A Decade of Grief and Healing

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@creatingwonders

Daily Reminder 😌

♬ original sound – Jesse J. Pedigo

Exactly this.

My good friend John Wick said recently that if you would write it in your diary, you shouldn’t post it online. I replied, “Welp. I’m doing it wrong.” And I meant it. But I also am doing it wrong on purpose. It’s the only way for me to get better. I have to share, even if noone reads it. It’s a moral imperative.

Because its the right thing to do.
Because its the right thing to do.

I have been hiding specifics from a thing many of you already know about. I think it is hurting me at a much higher rate than I expected by not sharing — it’s like I am bleeding out inside some days. And the worst part? I am ready for it, if it happens. I don’t want it, but I won’t try to stop it anymore. Life does what Life does.

That said, I want to get better. I want to heal this shit. I want to get back to laughing at life and not dreading it. My fear is, like climate change, I might be too late. I can really only try to mitigate the damage from here. But I will not stop trying. A rest here and there, and compassion and kindness to myself as I do it, but Try, I Will.

Also, fuck Yoda’s bullshit. You can’t know if you can or can’t unless you fucking try. Trying IS doing. The Jedi (and the Sith, but worse) are really fucked up, you know? THIS is why we have trauma. Damn.

Sorry. That has been bugging me for awhile.

Trigger Warning: Without removing the need for the spoilers, please understand the following is a recount of my car accident. It is mostly unedited and raw, and may be hard to follow at times. I opened the gate and just let it flow. I don’t know how it will affect you, but if you aren’t sure, there is no shame in skipping it.

Be Kind To Yourself
Be kind to yourself
Aaaanyway, here are some specifics, if you want them. If not, keep scrolling to the apology, below.

10 years ago this week, I was in a car accident and totaled my BMW. A passenger in the other car — I say her name in my head every time I think about it, but I won’t speak it aloud.

That sentence was not complete on purpose to illustrate how my brain works. You see, I have now paused that experience to prepare for the unmistakable flashbacks that are about to occur. I can only do this for a minute, and then I will be viewing them. During this time, I dissociate, but still manage to handle basic functions, like writing with blues in the background. Like right now. Oh, here it is

— was killed on impact. I didn’t know this yet, because there was smoke in the cab and I had to get my kid out of the car. It was very painful to open the door with a broken hand, but I didn’t know that yet either, so I did it anyway. I got my kid out of the car and went to see about the other car. When I got there, I saw them both in the car, unconscious. I noticed a second condition on her, however. She was also dead. Very clearly, and most unequivocally, dead. And I had just killed her.

Not on purpose, not an intention I wanted, but the impact was clear and permanent. Regardless of why or how, I had taken a life. And I knew then I would deal with it for the rest of my life. At that very moment, I was also worried about prison and what would happen to my family, and what the other family was going to do and how could I fix this no you can’t you are just finished. End of life. Fuck.

And then, I am on the side of the road on the cold ground waiting for it, hand throbbing, freezing, but absolutely uncaring. I did not want to continue living at that moment.

And then, someone put a blanket on me. I might have tried to refuse, but it gets fuzzy from here and jumps a bit and I remember it out of order.

Oh! There was a scare that a baby was in the car and had been thrown clear, but it turns out they were grandparents and had a car seat for their grandkid. This one didn’t hit me until the next family gathering. Holidays have kinda sucked for me since then. I struggle to be around people around the holidays, now.

Several people started yelling at me early in this encounter, for various reasons. When they began to realize I wasn’t some crazy drunk, they stopped and I remember some of them trying to help me. Then there were lots of lights and police and paramedics and such all around. I was sitting on the ground for most of it.

I tried to get a drink of water at one point, but the police officer said I couldn’t until I had been drug tested. I remember being very compliant. I also remember them having to put the blanket on me several times after that, because I didn’t deserve to not be in pain when she was dead.

Suddenly to me, it was time to go to the hospital for drug testing (only high levels of caffeine were found) and to get checked out. I grabbed a few things from the car and got into the back of the cop car with Jaz. It gets really fuzzy from here. The things I remember:

  • Jaz was okay after x-rays and I had a broken hand.
  • Someone was coming to pick us up.
  • The driver of the other car was shaken, but ok.
  • The passenger of the other car had been killed.

The Officer that informed me of things was very nice, and sat quietly with me while I cried about that last point. I was informed that I was free to go when the doctors released me, and there were no charges filed.

I have almost no memory of events after this until I was back in my house some days later. I don’t even remember how I got home. Thank you, to whomever that was.

I remember going to the bar to get drunk, as I was scheduled to get on a plane the next morning for Dark Con 2012. I was kicked out of the bar for threatening someone while I was drunk, which I had not remembered at all. I just remember Rachael saying, “Rockstar, you need to go home. Now.”

And then I was home, and then I was at Dark Con. I met Meg Foster – she was so concerned for my broken hand – and saw many friends, and cried a lot and then I was back at my house in Arkansas. I don’t remember the flights on either end. When I got there, I went back to work, getting rides from folks because I had no car.

Once I got the insurance money for the totaled car, I bought Clifford, the Big Red Truck for some damn reason and drove it until just last year.

8 months later
8 months later

8 months later I was arrested for Negligent Manslaughter with no warning. That story is for another time, when I have the spoons to tell it. But, I am now an ex-convict, and I have served my sentence.

The inevitable apology: I am sorry for the pain I’ve caused too many of you. I love you all and I’m working on a better me. I find it’s far more difficult than I thought, as I dig through my past to fix my future. It is downright nightmarish, as — PLOT TWIST — I found a ton more trauma that I wasn’t dealing with. And some of that was the way I treated people.

I am so sorry. I might make some personal apologies, where that might help the other person, but if it only helps me? I will leave it in therapy, most often. My poor therapist.

If you feel I owe you an apology, I will not be offended if you ask. As I said, my memory of events is sketchy at best. I am open to buy you lunch or a drink and chat about it.

I am not asking to talk about this specifically, but if you want to engage with questions, I will answer them. At this point, if my experience can prevent another accident or help someone through one, I am willing to open my heart to you. I never want anyone else to feel this way. If you do or have felt this way, then…

I wish I could hug you.
I wish I could hug you.

Most importantly, although I have let them know they don’t have to read this, I apologize to my Spawn, Jaz, for the trauma that was inflicted upon them in this experience. I can’t know what effect it had on them, but I know it was severe. I will not relate anything about their experience in the accident beyond this account, as that is their story to tell. This is in no way endorsing questioning them about this experience, either. Please be respectful. They will talk if they want to. Thank you.

So! I’ll be Solo Polyamorous from here. I can’t be selfish anymore or hurt others because I haven’t dealt with this.

"That's, like, quite a lot of issues."
That’s, like, quite a lot of issues.

Will I be in another relationship? No idea, really. I know right now I can’t be in a committed relationship and I abruptly ended my last one in a blur of emotions. I am not proud of it, but I can’t change it now. I honestly don’t think I could have done it any differently. It seems, I am my own friend with benefits until I figure me out.

The Road Goes Ever On and On, as the poem says. I guess my adventure starts today.

Thanks for coming to my ChrisTalk.
Thanks for coming to my ChrisTalk.

Walking the Path,

Me.

Gaming, GM Adventure Template, GM Advice and Information

GM Adventure Template: Sorcerer’s Apprentice

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A GM Adventure based on the movie, Sorcerer’s Apprentice

The Way I Would Run It.

– Me
Mini Boss!

The first part, create an Object of some kind that has a series of creatures captured in layers. The prisoners can be released under the correct circumstances, but only one after the other. The outer most creature is the Mini Boss, and the rest are sequentially lesser power until the last one trapped. That one is the Final Boss and a GM NPC. Make sure this item gets to one of the PCs who accidentally lets the Mini Boss out. (you made it happen, let’s be real)

Yes, you hit them with a Mini Boss fight as their first encounter. In a session 0, this can become the focus of a campaign for years, or just a short campaign thread, even concurrent with other quests. I would normally classify this idea as a Major Side Quest.

The second part is a Powerful Ally who knows about the Object because they helped make it. They have been travelling through the ages/lands guarding it, and adding enemies to the the Object as they are found, until he thought he got them all. But here comes the party who somehow let the Mini Boss out. Make it scary and funny, but be sure its seen as the party’s fault, at least in this fucker’s opinion.

Powerful Ally

So, have a memorable first encounter where you introduce your Powerful Ally (and you get a fun NPC!). This Ally knows the Mini Boss, a powerful villain, but with no knowledge of where or when they are. They will be disoriented with the situation, to be fair. They only know they have escaped and can continue their plan.

They have been trapped inside the Object, where they could not die. A long time passed — from a decade to centuries — while they were in prison. An Enemy at the party’s level, that can give them a real challenge, but in the end, gets away. The encounter should only last a few minutes at best. After all, the Mini Boss wants to get away and regroup to eventually steal the Object or use it if they successfully got it.

The Object

Third part. if you want a longer campaign out of this, try your best to make it believable that the villain barely got away. Write down any powers you used to make this happen You can fix it in post and draw up this NPC as a character, ensuring they at least have those powers. They will have a goal of letting the others in the prison loose, so they want the Object and know the process for freeing people. You can even have them do it multiple times, as they manage to steal the Object from the party and release another wizard. Give the Object a recharge for opening, programmed in for this sort of thing so the party has time to catch him and take it back. It was a prison, after all. It has some security.

The reason they were trapped is up to you, but this is commonly a prison break kinda thing. Someone or Something put them there and the why only matters if your players are into the long story. Prepare as much for that as you think your players will go for.

If you follow it to the Last Part, then the Big Bad will emerge from the Object, along with another surprise NPC who has some connection to the Powerful Ally that was trapped along with the Big Bad. Whether the party knows this depends on how they treated the Ally until now. 😂

And that concludes this issue of How I Would Run It. I hope you enjoy it.

Play to find out what happens next!

Challenge, Gaming

Day 16: Caveliers of Mars

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John and I made characters today. You can watch his video and then come back for my take on it.

A simple system for a simple mind today. I’m at a whiskey tasting and I’m trying to get this published quickly before I start drinking.

My character today is a caravan trader named Mau.


The Character

Mau is a merchant and physician, having worked off his indenture as a servant to the caravan doctor. He has known his friend from Vance, a merchant princess, for most of his life. When she approached him about running goods between Vance and Anger, he jumped at the chance.

If it wasn’t for the notorious bandit, Bori, it would be there easiest job ever. That bastard has robbed him more times than he can count.

The Experience

Other than some indexing issues in the book (that I hear is corrected in the next addition) it’s a pretty simple and easy process to make a character. Seems like a fun world to play a game in.

Off to taste whiskey!

Gaming, GM Advice and Information, GM Idea

GM Idea: Better Combat in D&D 5E

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A player might say, “I want less overall mechanical intervention into my awesome that doesn’t make me more awesome!“.

And I would say, “You are about to become more awesome.“

And we would have an amazing fun game, because you asked and I delivered. How you say? Why would it? This is my answer. It is a fairly long answer, so go get a drink or a snack.

I use D&D 5E for examples to be understood by a wider audience. I alter the base rules of every system for most games I run in similar ways.

I find the rules for 5E to be the first of the d20 versions that makes sense for TTRPG Fantasy storytelling. And with some tweaks, it can be an amazing narrative experience. I have similar rules updates for GURPS, Cortex, and others.

My opinion on combat

When we get into a combat in an RPG, it should feel heroic. We rarely are emotionally connected enough to combat (at least in d20) without some changes to spice it up. When you fight something it should be fun and at least a little bit tense.

Especially once you introduce sharp pointy things and long range death weapons. We do not want to be one-shot-killed in RPGs, even though we know that is how it happens IRL. We want to feel the rush from being the hero in a dangerous place. The stakes are all mental in an RPG. Instead of your actual life, its your emotional connection to that character that GMs want to threaten, at least a little.

For me, the deeply mechanical nature of the RAW just don’t fit that. There are some narrative systems that do fairly well, but never quite right for me. I don’t enjoy fully narrative games quite as much (Fate, AW, etc.), as I like the blow by blow nature of combat sometimes. I do like narrative systems and I play them as well. I mean, I will take what I can get to play with cool people. Unfortunately, I will never get to play in a game like mine (unless its choose your own adventure), but y’all might benefit from my Path of Madness in your games.

Normally, a high-level set of PCs can win and recover from virtually any encounter I throw at them if I give them a chance to rest before it starts. Or, I can hit them with a big boss that would take the entire session to defeat. Maybe, I will attack them many times to weaken them or steal their resources and not let them rest so they fight the boss barely able to stand.

And still spend the whole session in painful bookkeeping and dice-rolling where most of the group is not very active most of the night. A GM that cannot keep your attention easily will find themselves with a very distracted group and not nearly as much roleplay, and that tends to grind to a stop in combat if you let it. It needs to be exciting enough that they get involved in other people’s turns, if possible. It is harder for me to do that with RAW and I fudge dice alot more, which I don’t really like doing. So, I just changed the rules to match what I was gonna fudge anyway! I find its a better experience for the whole table.

I do that through a few large changes and a large amount of small ones that together make combat smoother, faster/deadlier and a lot more fun. Heroes should hit harder, more often, and have shorter combats that are memorable.

Here are Five Large Changes that I make to 5E as GM:

D20

First, I change advantage/disadvantage rolls to bonus/penalty dice. They work exactly the same mechanically except in one way: You can have more than one of them on a given roll. Already have advantage and want to spend inspiration? Do it and roll 3d20.

The same with disadvantage: How about a poison that does 2d6 every round until you succeed a DC 20 Con save with 2 penalty dice. This can be a very deadly poison. You roll 3d20, take the worst result and try to get that DC 20. You have a good chance of dying before you make it. If you have advantage against poison, though, you only roll 1 penalty die as it cancels out one of the penalty dice with the one you add. I sometimes use a lower DC for a poison and a success only removes a penalty die — a critical removes two). Once you save with no penalty dice, the poison is done hurting you. Both of these can last a while, and you are almost guaranteed to take damage from this poison.

Second, I overhauled Critical Hits. Well, I at least made them more powerful and more often. Any final roll that is 10 or more over the AC is considered a critical. A natural 20 does even more damage. If you can crit on a natural 19, you now crit on 9 or more over the AC, etc. The damage of a critical is doubled, but in this specific way: maximum damage with all modifiers + one roll of all normal damage dice. A natural 20 does maximum damage x2, dice rolled. This is the only time you will get your modifiers to damage added twice.

In most of my games, wizards can do devastating damage with critical hits on spells with an attack roll and that’s quite a few spells. Many of them are cantrips. A natural 20 on a single eldritch blast at 1st level could do over 20 points of damage, depending on whether they have modifiers. A warlock that can throw 3 eldritch blasts, that can manage to roll 10 over the required AC will do a minimum of 10 points on each one that hits. A Magic Missile never crits, but it never misses, either.

Sword of Power
Backpack

Third, I moved encumbrance, ammo, and other bookkeeping to Usage Dice. You might have d6 daggers and after each encounter or attack (depending on how scarce you want ammo), you roll for usage.

If you roll a “1” on the Usage Die, it steps down one level. Our d6 Daggers above, would go to a d4. If you get a “1” on a d4 usage, you are out. In the per attack mode (roll it with each attack), you can also roll it before you throw to know if this is your last one!

You can refill after combat, even take some from the enemy. The GM will increment the Usage die accordingly with what you find and you are done. A d20 Usage makes it pretty close to infinite, and you can use Hero Points on them to keep them from stepping down. I also cap certain items to smaller dice, because you can only have so many of an item available for combat. I am looking at you, spears. It’s less realistic, but it is also less bookkeeping, so I like it.

Fourth is Hero Points. It is a resource that only refreshes when you level up, and is 5+ 1/2 your level rounded up. You start with 6. Any d20 (or Usage) die roll you make, you can also roll an additional d6 and add it to that roll for one Hero Point. Most close calls can be avoided this way, thus allowing the players to have tense moments where they managed to get out of the way by sheer luck or just in time.

You can even spend them on another player by assisting another player when they need it and its in character for you. If you spend one on a player you are stabilizing, they stop dying AND it is only a bonus action. Every use of the Help action allows you to spend Hero Points on the roll as well.

Hero Points and Inspiration are what make you a PC, and they give you extra chances to be awesome. That’s cool, right? I thought so, too.

This one is from the DMG, pg. 264.

Sword in the Stone
Bloody Fangs

And the Final thing is Dire Peril. I stole this one from John Wick’s Play Dirty and took it to Eleven. I keep a card on the table in view at all times that says in bright green letters, “Plot Immunity.”

While this is showing, your character cannot die without your permission. I can do anything else to the character (within negotiated boundaries, of course) for the sake of the story but I cannot kill you unless you agree. If you want an accidental death that would happen from an unlucky moment, you can keep it. If not, I will find another fate for you, such as unconscious or exhausted or whatever to keep you alive until I flip the card over.

The other side, in bright red letters, says “Dire Peril.” This means our death contract is temporarily void and I can kill you without permission until I flip that card back over. I am not necessarily trying to kill you, but it can happen now for any reason.

As a GM, I am unlikely to – and have not had to – kill a character in Dire Peril. So far, they have worked extra hard not to get killed and most times just fucking ran.

What it really does is get the group’s attention. Phones get put up, dice are grabbed, and attention is focused on the game again.

Once, I described a dragon plying overhead and as I did, I calmly flipped the card over. Everyone sat up and worked on getting to cover fast. I had no intention of attacking them, but I wanted to show that the wilderness is dangerous. They took it seriously after that. I did not have to ask about watch order that night.

That is why I use Dire Peril, to focus everyone on a big moment that is eminent. The fate of the story is at stake, at least for some. It often is flipped for a Boss Battle, but not always.

Leonardo DiCaprio's line from Django Unchained, "You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention."

These are my Top 5 Changes to make RPG combat more awesome. At least, I feel it is and people that have gamed with me seem to enjoy it and keep asking for more. I also use a more People chosen Initiative system to encourage teamwork. More Fastball Specials and less missed opportunities for them. If you can choose who goes when most of the time, it is more fun. Let the players have control of the narrative and your game will get better. And that’s why we are playing, right?

Right?

 Of course, these are summary rules, as I did nail it down for the few times I need to police it — I may fancy it up for a “Pay what you want” PDF at some point. I’ll let you know and update this post if I do. 

Everything else I do is small tweaks to a class or an ability here and there to accommodate these new rules and the player’s desire. ALL of them are to make characters better and enhance them, rather than limit them. I know they make PCs powerful. This is the point!

Then I can take the gloves off as a GM, because the characters are no longer fragile. They are fucking Heroes and I can hit them hard all day long if I want to to tell a good story. They are less focused on the XP and more on the objectives if they know a combat isn’t gonna take all day.

All of these together mean that you hit more often and harder and take out opponents faster. You will also get hit more often and harder. You barely track ammo and gear, although you are aware when you are getting low. When you hit d4 rations, every bite might be your last! Lastly, a little saving grace built in for those times when you missed it by that much.

And, I haven’t even touched on my Magic system updates. Oh boy, is it fun – and dangerous – to play a spell caster in my games. I like high power and high stakes! Casting spells can kill you, if you want to take a risk for something Epic. It hasn’t happened yet, but a few have come close. And I’ll bet they remember that encounter. I recommend adding Spheres of Magic – its amazing.

All of this allows for a fast-paced game, even with D&D, which gets so much hate from so many people. I find with the changes I have made it becomes worth playing for me and I enjoy running it this way. Most of the players that have been at my table have given good feedback on it.

You don’t have to agree with me, but I hope it will open your eyes to what you can update, add or remove from your games to make them more fun for everyone at your table. Thanks for listening.

Challenge, Gaming

Day 15: Spheres of Magic

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Spheres of Magic is an alternate look at magic in D&D. Instead of spell slots and a spell list based on a class, you choose Spheres of Magic, each with their own base abilities and talents. These basic abilities always have a version that can be done for free. You can spent spell points to augment those abilities in various ways. As you increase in power, you gain access to more talents and spheres, giving you more options as a spell caster.

Although I own their books for Magic (and the more recent Spheres of Might for martial characters), they also publish all of their material for free on their wiki and on Drivethru RPG. They have versions for PF1, 3.5, and now 5E. I own all three.

I will explain some of this as I show the character for today, a Warforged Outlander who has escaped from his makers. As is their way, he is simply named Ward.

Character Sheet: Page 1 and Page 2

The Character

Ward has wandered far since his escape and before. He was created to deal with simple threats around his maker’s home. His destructive blasts and protective wards were useful in stopping things like animals or bandits that wandered into the compound. He was as happy as he could be, knowing no other life.

Until he realized he was a slave. When he had seen something outside through the gate one day, he attempted to follow and was hit with a shock by one of the makers. He was threatened and hurt, and suddenly became afraid of the makers. The next chance he got, he broke through the gate, and fought his way to safety. In the escape, he was damaged and now his magic hurts him if he augments a spell when he casts it, so he has to resist the urge to let it solve all his problems.

They were not ready for his escape that day and chased him for months until Ward finally lost them. Now, he wanders the lands, no other goal than to help free anyone that has been enslaved and to avoid the old masters until he is strong enough to come back and overthrow them.

The Experience

TLDR; I love this magic system, especially in 5E. Its the core D&D rules with the ability to create a very distinct spell caster, if you want. Have fun!

TL Part:

I had the concept of a warforged mage that was forced to fight for his makers. He escaped – how to be determined in game – and is a wandering wizard who acts like Robin Hood. That changed through character creation as I was making choices about talents and class and such.

He ended as an Incanter, the generic “sphere caster” class for a pure caster. I took the Outlander Background and choose the Kineticist as his Tradition. This choice changed the way I could cast spells profoundly. Kineticists were born with the ability to harness and channel destructive energy from within. It moves your Key Casting Ability (usually Int, Wis or Cha for caster) to Constitution because now, to use a spell point, you have to spend the same amount in HP (reducing your maximum) and roll 1d6 every turn until you roll a 6 before you can spend them again at all.

You also get the boons of Fortified Casting and Overcharge. The first is why you get to use Con and Overcharge lets you take a level of exhaustion (as part of casting) to increase your proficiency bonus by one for the next casting you do.

You see how neat that is? Ward has to be played differently, because he can kill himself by casting spells!

If you want the same feel as the normal casters, they have the a Traditional Magic tradition that simulates it, but still uses sphere effects. You can even create a tradition of your own, as they created a system to help you make it. And it can exist along side the standard spell system without any difficulty.

This is the reason I like the system, as I like personal magic use and this can create very unique spellcasters. It is a wonderful GMs tool as well, if you want to limit the ways of casting magic to only a few types, and have completely different traditions for groups that they meet on the way. You could create Avatar-style Benders with this system fairly easy with Mental Focus and Somatic Casting x2. Now you need a high level of discipline and skill in the martial arts to cast a spell. Then just choose Elementalist or Incanter, depending on your take.

The system does require knowing a decent amount about it (what the spheres/talents are and how they interact with each other) to make a good character, so I recommend you use the Quick Builds on your first go at it. After you have played it, you can see how things might fit together more and can rebuild or create another character.

That is what I do with my PCs after the first few sessions: just fix any of those synergy-related mistakes you made when you didn’t know how to play and let’s get back to the fun! I really hate video games make you earn a respec unless I get one for free. Being penalized for not knowing the system is a huge turnoff in games for me. If I want to play a certain character, I want them optimized for that. Not the same as min-maxing, just making sure that the cool things I want to do are supported by the stats on the sheet. I am OK with losing something else on the sheet to get the character I want, but I DO want a respec before the campaign gets set in, you know?

Alright. I am tired. I will let you go now. Have fun!

Challenge, Gaming

Day 13: GURPS Illuminati

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This is another co-creating with John Wick and Jessie Foster. You can watch John’s recording and come back to see my thoughts, if you like. But first, look at these cool fezzes:

John’s is on the left.

Today, we started a little newspaper with an editor, a reporter and a bouncer-for-hire. I created Marco Pascal, the insomniac, xenophilic reporter with a mission he didn’t intend.

The Character

A reporter for The Lighthouse newspaper, Marco wants to see new things. So much, that he got involved with the Discordian Society. When asked to spy on his boss, Marco gladly agreed, not really thinking of what he was agreeing to.

Now, with years of insomnia, long work hours and easily waking, Marco has found himself directly in the middle of Illuminati Machinations that he doesn’t fully understand. His Patron believes his editor is planning to leak dangerous information to the public. They would like to know about possible stories before they are published and that meant spying for Marco.

This is not what he wanted, except that he really wanted to see new things. Be careful what you wish for.

The Experience

The GURPS character creation system by itself is cumbersome if a) you are unfamiliar with it and/or b) you have no idea what character you want to create. For that reason, a group creation session is much better, as you aren’t worried as much about the points until you know a little about your campaign. You need to know more than a little about the character when you use GURPS, as it is a generic system. It is not designed for any given type of play, but for a more realistic look at whatever game you plan on running. You will fail spectacularly and often if you don’t know what you want your character to do.

I love GURPS. It is in my top 3 systems for one simple reason. GURPS rules help me explain the world better. If something someone does doesn’t make sense, I try to figure out what a given person’s disadvantages are and it helps me to understand how to deal with them. More than any other system, it is core to my understanding of reality. To me, it is a Programming and Query Language, since I needed some kind of structure to the way I examined the world. Thus, if I know your approximate GURPS stats, at least I can understand you enough not to do anything to hurt you. At least, on purpose.

The GURPS experience is always a good one for me, and I sometimes just make characters or rules in GURPS, before trying them in other games. I also try to pin down MY stats to make my world easier to deal with. If I had my character sheet and a CLI for my brain, I could make some serious changes for the better quickly.

That was a ramble. I will talk to you again soon. LLAP

Challenge, Gaming

Day 10: Quest

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This is another co-creating with John Wick. This might be more fun than anything I could write. Feel free to come back when you are done and see what I remembered from filming.

I forgot to get a picture of the character sheet on this one. 🙁

The Character

Invictus the Mighty came from the city in the mists and for 1270 years old, he doesn’t look a day over 900. You can’t not notice his sculpted hair that is braided into his knee-length beard. Where does the hair stop and the beard begin? No one knows.

His only goal is looking to be a capital-H-Hero, and so he takes risks to make sure he will be. So naturally, he hangs around with a Spy that is trying to save the world. Why? Doesn’t matter, as long as they remember him as a Hero.

The Experience

It was a simple system that I think I might use some of to start any roleplaying game. You can collaborate some cool backstories with it and I had fun in character creation. That can’t be said for a lot of games.

Just waiting for the world to change…